Five Characters Who Will Totally Justify Your Decision to Play Darkside Detective

With Season 2’s crowdfunding goals reached, Darkside Detective is slated to arrive some time in 2020 Q3 (according to Steam). It occurs to me that there are some people out there who, through no fault of their own, may not have caught this perfect slice of throwback toast when it popped (okay, I stretched that metaphor), so I’m going to give you some awfully compelling reasons why you’d butter play the original season right now.

Anyone who played Monkey Island when they were young can probably see immediately why I adored playing Darkside Detective. But aside from the obvious retro appeal of seeing pixelated people doing pixelated things in a pixelated fashion, this game’s real charm comes from its cast of utterly bonkers characters.

In no particular order, here are five characters that will totally justify your decision to play Darkside Detective.

Emily

Emily first appears in the case, ‘Loch Mess’, as one of Dooley’s bloodwolf pack. The bloodwolves themselves are a joke from the ‘Tome Alone’ case which then became a running gag through the whole first season.

Emily is a pint-sized pyromaniac who enjoys stealing, knives and insulting grown-ups. She became disillusioned at an early age when Santa didn’t bring her a blowtorch for Christmas. She is fiercely protective of her ‘bloodwolf pack’ and seemingly immune to magic, since the curse in ‘Buy Hard’ doesn’t transform her like it does all the other kids. Actually, she reminds me of my girlfriend as an adolescent, which means there’s a good chance Emily will only grow more dangerous with age.

Emily’s dialogue is a perfect example of the dry wit that Darkside Detective does so well.

Detective Francis McQueen

Technically, it’s McQueen’s game. He should get a mention here. At first glance, he’s a little basic. Trench coat, dark hair, average build, etc. He could be the protagonist from any game about a detective solving crime. In fact, take the coat off and he could probably be a guy looking to undertake the pirate trials.

McQueen’s brilliance as a character comes from the world he lives in. Everywhere he looks is something else for him to make a quip about, whether it’s the ‘no dogs’ guarantee on the tin of hot dogs or the moon. Yeah, McQueen and the moon have a whole thing.

McQueen is also supremely self-aware and many of his jokes are made at the expense of the game or even himself. It’s like permission not to take the game too seriously, since McQueen’s not taking it seriously either.

Jamie

There is some debate in my household as to whether Jamie is male or female, but I prefer not to see gender, only jokes. Jamie - head of the Twin Lakes’ Tourism Board and resident conjecture enthusiast - also first appears in the ‘Loch Mess’ case. Unlike most in the tourism industry, Jamie’s raison d’etre is to chase away as many potential visitors from Twin Lakes as possible by overstating the danger, and indeed the existence, of its tourist attractions.

All of their dialogue in the two cases where they appear is solid gold, because they are allergic to straight answers and casually hostile to everyone who speaks to them. Most surprising of all, Jamie themselves is a tourist attraction in their own right. Just peruse the brochures at the ‘Interloper’ stand.

Chief Scully

Chief Scully is a prime example of why things in Twin Lakes are maybe less efficient than they could be. Not just an X-Files reference, Scully gets herself some air time in the case, ‘Police Farce’, and talking with her is a delight.

A brief chat with the Chief will shed light on exactly why McQueen’s underfunded, undermanned, underappreciated Darkside Division is as those three adjectives would suggest. But then, there’s only so much you can expect from someone who sets fire to their own police station as a ‘gift’ to their employees.

Mostly ignorant of the strange happenings in Twin Lakes, Chief Scully’s only real interest in McQueen’s work is that he keeps all the ‘oogie-boogies’ (male, female, non-binary and all) out of her city. Easier said than done when your boss is making you clean up after the gremlins who wrecked the station.

Bloodalpha Officer Patrick Dooley

Dooley.

There’s probably not a lot that can be said about Dooley that hasn’t already been said multiple times by multiple people. On his own, he is hilarious. With McQueen, he is one half of a sublime double act that carries this game high on its shoulders and stoops with poise to avoid low doorways. Dooley’s family are also brilliant, though we’ve only met his sister Patricia and nephew Buzz. Hopefully, we’ll meet Patrice and Also-Patrice (actually his name) in Season 2.

The thing I like most about Dooley is his relationship with McQueen. Not just their comic timing, not just their excess of banter, but the kind words and little affections that pass between them. The first case, ‘Malice in Wonderland’, seems like a tale about a genre-standard detective and his doofus sidekick. Gradually, we come to realise, over the course of nine cases, that McQueen and Dooley are actually a bromance for the ages. They are nerdy, sarcastic, witty, ridiculous and the very best of friends and that is what makes the final moments of Season 1 so alarming.

AHAH! You weren’t expecting this article to have a cliffhanger, were you?

Obviously, this is far from an exhaustive list. I could give honourable mentions to Raxa, Devon, Nigel, Dick Brickman (presenter of ‘Dick Brickman presents’ with Dick Brickman) or the cameo ghosts of Edgar Alan Poe and H.P. Lovecraft. Actually, I’d be here all day just trying to compile that list.

Now perhaps you see why I’m so eagerly awaiting Darkside Detective Season 2. If you haven’t already played it, why? In fact, pop over to the Kickstarter and maybe get yourself a digital copy of both seasons just now.

You will feel justified.